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DTM Blog - Archive
Sunday, 21 March 2010
1238 - TNA DESTINATION X 2010 - PPV PREDICTIONS
Topic: PPV Predictions

It's been a good while since I last did predictions for a PPV (the last being Bragging Rights 2009) and a good LONG while since I last did a TNA Pay-Per-View (TNA's Turning Point 2007). Since I have been following some TNA Impact (now that I have access to Spike TV), I'd figured I go ahead and shoot out some random picks for the upcoming PPV... even if I don't intend on watching it. These are all mostly wild guesses and it should be fun to see how many picks I get wrong.

All listed matches are from Wikipedia since TNA's official site for the PPV doesn't include listed matches. Fortunately, none of these matches include the Nasty Boys.

TNA Knockout's Championship
Tara (c) vs. Daffney

Victoria got snubbed in WWE's list. So I guess I'll go with "Tara" retaining her title.

Pick: Tara
Winner:

Ladder Match for the No. 1 Contendership to the TNA X-Division Championship
Kazarian vs. Daniels vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Amazing Red
Four-way ladder match for a title shot? I'm sold! This is a hard one to guess, but if I'm going to shoot off a wall or something, I'll probably pick Brian Kendrick for the simple reason that he's been in WWE. And apparently TNA management has a hard-on for former WWE guys at the moment... which is all the more amazing that AJ Styles is still the World champion.

Pick: Brian Kendrick
Winner:

Kevin Nash/Eric Young vs. Scott "Alka" Hall/Sean "Syxx-Pac Sucks" Waltman
There are wonderful stipulations behind this match. If Nash/Young win, then Hall/Waltman leave TNA for good... which is, of course, a lie since nobody is done for good; just ask Ric Flair. If Hall/Waltman wins, they get TNA contracts. Given that the banishment deal will never stick, I'd say Hall/Waltman wins this one... a sad proposition to be sure.

Pick: Hall/Waltman
Winners:

TNA World Tag-Team Championship Match
Matt Morgan and Hernandez (c) vs. Beer Money, Inc. (Robert Roode and James Storm)
Beer Money takes the titles... I've really very little to say on this match.

Pick: Beer Money
Winner:

Kurt Angle vs. Ken Anderson
Oh goody. It's a match between two former WWE guys. This really screams TNA in my mind. Although to be fair, I don't actually recall these guys ever duking it out, so this could be a nice one. Too bad the feud and build-up was pretty much botched, with Kurt Angle getting several "victories" over Anderson. With that said, Anderson wins this one.

Pick: Ken Anderson
Winner:

TNA X-Division Championship Match
Doug Williams (champion) vs. Shannon Moore
The champ retains.

Pick: Doug Williams
Winner:

Ultimate X Match for the No. 1 Contendership to the TNA World Tag-Team Championship
Generation Me vs. Motor-City Machine Guns
I'm flipping a coin here... so Generation Me.

Pick: Generation Me
Winner:

NWA World Heavyweight Title
AJ Styles (champion) vs. Abyss
Even with the power of the universe and Hulk Hogan at his disposal, Abyss isn't going to win this one.

Pick: AJ Styles
Winner:

Later. 


Posted by dtm666 at 4:56 PM EDT
Sunday, 4 October 2009
1191 - WWE Hell In A Cell - PPV Picks
Topic: PPV Predictions

So, WWE has gone off the deep end with these stipulation-themed pay-per-views as of late. First it was Breaking Point, where the main events were all either submission matches or I Quit matches. And now WWE has decided to have a Hell In A Cell PPV, where you're guaranteed multiple HIAC matches in one night... and chances are all of them are going to not very good. Listen, I'm sorry to say, but a Hell In A Cell in this more family-friendly WWE product (if you want to call it such) is not much of a good idea. Unless there's blood or even an insane stunt pulled off to really emphasis the dangers of the match, it's just nothing more than a cage match featuring a bigger cage surrounding the ringside area. I mean, does anyone remember the final days of WCW when they had cage matches? Remember the cage they used. It was similar in design to Hell In A Cell, but it wasn't called that. It was called cage matches. At this point, the Hell In A Cell should be considered a relic of a past era long gone and should be retired as such. But you know those wacky WWE bookers...

Like the previous PPV before it, only main event worthy matches take place in the Cell. The rest are your generic cookie-cutter matches with no stipulations imposed whatsoever. So let's begin with my picks... which I haven't done in a good long while.

Also, note... this is the first PPV Predictions to appear on the Twisted Blog of DTM (the new one), so I'm introducing a slight new format to the proceedings.

Okay, now we begin.

WWE Divas Championship
Mickie James (c) vs. Alicia Fox

The so-called "sexiest women on television" are not necessarily the most talented women on television. Quite honestly, whenever a Divas segment comes on, I usually focus my attention elsewhere and during a PPV that someone else payed for, it's a good time for a piss break. Also, it's been so long since there was a significant women's wrestler worthy of my time that I don't pay attention to know any of the women they do have. I usually just refer to them as Blonde #1829 and whatnot.

The good news is that this match features two women that aren't blond. The bad news is that I still don't care enough to warrant an opinion or even a pick. Just for kicks, I'll go with Mickie James, because out of all the Divas on display, she can actually wrestle and is probably the best person to bring dignity to a title that needs it.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship
Chris Jericho & Big Show (c) vs. Batista & Rey Mysterio

I'm going to go ahead and pick Batista & ReyRey to win, because big Dave just came back from an injury and we need to give him a title... but we don't want to give him the World title. So let's give him the tag belts instead. Maybe by having someone else do the work for him, there'll be less of a chance he'll get hurt again.

It may seem like I'm poking Batista - and I am - but I feel it's warranted somewhat. I mean it's just seems like every time the guy has a World title shot, he either chokes on the big match or he gets hurt while winning the title and then loses it a week later before going on hiatus. At least as a tag champion, his load will be less and he won't get hurt.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE United States Championship
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Jack Swagger vs. The Miz

This is a tough one to call, probably because I haven't been following this as much as I could have, but I'll probably pick Kingston to retain the title, mostly because it would be stupid to have him lose the belt in a meaningless three-way match.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
John Morrison (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

Picking Ziggler to retain so that Morrison could move on to bigger things.

Hell In A Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
CM Punk (c) vs. Undertaker

Even though I would rather see Punk retain, the Undertaker is most likely going to win this one. He got the screwjob last week and it's only appropriate that he returns the favor by winning the belt. Although I would have preferred that

Hell In A Cell Match for the WWE Championship
John Cena (c) vs. Randy Orton

The appropriate thing to do would be to have John Cena retain the title here and have Orton get the belt back somewhere down the line. Now I'm not exactly the biggest Cena fan out there, but I don't really think the guy should lose here so that the championship's credibility is instantly destroyed once again with quick time title changes. Yes, this is entertainment, but that's no excuse. If you don't treat your props with respect and prestige deserving of its status, people aren't going to care.

Hell In A Cell Tag-Team Match
DX (HHH & HBK) vs. Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes)

Again, DX got the loss last month and in the Cell... I'll take the chance and give it to Legacy. But I'm expecting something to happen that will tip the victory. Possibly an extra ally or maybe even a doublecross... we'll see.

Anyway, that's about it for me.


Posted by dtm666 at 1:08 PM EDT
Sunday, 26 July 2009
1165 - Picks [and results] for WWE Night of Champions 2009
Topic: PPV Predictions

Been a while since I did predictions for a WWE pay-per-view, so why not? Anyway, tonight's gimmick show has all the titles up for grabs in some for or another. Unfortunately, the sad attempt to make all the lower-tier titles relevant fails as none of the title matches are all that interesting, but who knows? I may very well be surprised.

Um, let's start with the spares, shall we?

Note: Results came from Wikipedia... will cross reference with WWE.com later.

Generic Divas Match for the WWE Divas Championship
Maryse (c) vs. Mickie James

For some odd reason, I'm supposed to care about this match. Sure, it's Mickie James and she's the closest thing to a decent wrestler compared to the other Barbie dolls, but on the other hand, it's the Divas title... an ungodly abomination that actually takes the WWE Diva back to the days of bra-and-panty matches, but without any of the fun and titlation that comes with it. Anyway, I'd say Maryse wins the match... only because Mickie deserves better.

Pick: Maryse
Winner: Mickie James
Tally: 0-1

Piss-Break Match for the WWE Women's Championship
Michelle McCool (c) vs. Melina

Yeah, I'm really supposed to care about this match. McCool retains... just for kicks.

Pick: McCool
Winner: McCool
Tally: 1-1

Guess The Mystery Partner Match for the WWE Unified Tag Team Championship
Chris Jericho & A Mystery Partner Big Show (c) vs. Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes

No point in guessing a partner - Legacy wins the titles, Jericho beats up the mystery partner and we could care even less about such trivial matters such as unified tag titles that have very little to no focus. Remember when championships used to mean something?

Pick: DiBiase/Rhodes
Winner: Jericho/Mystery Partner (turns out to be Big Show)
Tally: 1-2

We Stopped Being Extreme Long Ago Match for the ECW Championship
Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian (Cage)

I'd say go Tommy retains. If he were to lose the title in humiliating fashion, it won't be to Christian Cage. Sorry, Christian.

Pick: Tommy Dreamer
Winner: Christian
Tally: 1-3

Six-Pack Featuring Guys We Don't Care About Match for the WWE United States Championship
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Big Show Primo vs. MVP vs. Carlito vs. Jack Swagger vs. The Miz

Please tell me this is a joke... it isn't? Oh... I see. Um, Coffee Kingston retains...

Pick: Coffee Kingston
Winner: Coffee Kingston
Tally: 2-3

One-on-One Contest for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler? Seriously? No, Rey retains... if anything, his IC title reign won't be as much of a joke as his World title reign was... oh wait.

Pick: Rey-Rey
Winner: Rey-Rey
Tally: 3-3

One-on-One Contest for the World Heavyweight Championship
CM Punk (c) vs. Jeff Hardy

An interesting scenario - the straightedge champion defending his title against a guy with past drug issues. If there is any good will left in the world, CM Punk is going to walk away from this match as champion and Jeff Hardy is going to fade away for awhile... but even if that isn't the case, we'll at least get a great match out of these guys.

Pick: CM Punk
Winner: Jeff Hardy (I guess winners DO use drugs after all!)
Tally: 3-4

Triple-Threat Cure For Insomnia Match for the WWE Championship
Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena vs. Triple H... again

Oh gee... a title match featuring HHH. Who will win? Here's a hint: starts with an H, ends with an H.

Pick: HHH
Winner: Randy Orton... surprisingly.
Final Tally: 3-5

And that's it... my picks were way off this time around... will have to do better next time.


Posted by dtm666 at 9:34 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 26 July 2009 11:52 PM EDT
Sunday, 25 January 2009
1093 - ROYAL RUMBLE! 2009!
Topic: PPV Predictions
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So, hey. Did you hear? Dennis Rodman won the Celebrity Championship Wrestling competition show created by Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. If that isn't a scripted ending, then I don't know what is.

With that said, here're my picks for tonight's amazing Royal Rumble PPV.

WWE Women's Championship
Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Melina

Hey look. A feud over the Women's title that I almost care about... believe me, ALMOST is the best these girls will get from me. Anyway, I'm picking Beth to win this match because of the Rosa thing... that and I don't see Melina getting a win at a second-tier PPV like the Royal Rumble... wait, what?

Pick: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Melina... okay. (0-1)

Extremely Crappy Wrestling Championship
Jack Swagger (c) vs. Matt Hardy
Okay, maybe it's because I don't watch the third-tier show anymore, but who the fuck is Jack Swagger? I don't know, but here's a possible answer... the winner of the match. Not a Hardy night.

Pick: Jack Swagger
Winner: Jack Swagger... no surprise there. (1-1)

Battle of the Johns match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
"Oh noes! JBL is challenging John Cena for the World title... and he has Shawn Michaels under his employ! Surely, Cena won't be able to overcome the odds! There's no way! CENA IS DONE FOR!" Um, yeah. That was sarcasm, why do you ask?

Pick: John Cena
Winner: John C... You know what? Take a fucking guess, man. (2-1)

World Wrestling Entertainment Championship
Jeff Hardy (champion) vs. Edge
I think it's safe to say that with all the accidents Jeff Hardy has been having, Edge will likely regain the title here. I'd hate to say that this title reign has been a joke if the only significant things to happen were two stupid "accidents", but this is slowly reminding me of the way Rey Mysterio was treated when he was champion. Sorry, Jeff. It was a good moment when you won, but it's looking likely that you'll lose this one... and believe me, it's best to lose it now before you become even more of a joke.

Pick: Edge
Winner: Edge (3-1)

Predicted Royal Rumble winner: Triple H
Royal Rumble Winner: Randy Orton. Honestly didn't see that coming. (3-2)


Posted by dtm666 at 8:59 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 26 January 2009 6:55 AM EST
Sunday, 23 November 2008
1045 - Quick SURVIVOR SERIES Picks and RESULTS
Topic: PPV Predictions

Some quick picks for the upcoming Survivor Series PPV which is starting in a few minutes. Let's begin:

Undertaker vs. Big Show (Casket Match)
Taker wins in rematch #4991808719201... or was it #2909918290? I lost count after match #5912029.

Winner: Taker win. Obviously. (1-0)

Team Batista vs. Team Orton Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match
Orton wins... sole survivor.

Winner: Orton's team wins. Two survivors, but it's a win so that counts. (2-0)

Team HBK vs. Team JBL Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match
HBK wins... Khali survives too.

Winner: HBK's team wins. Khali survives and so does Rey. (3-0)

Team SmackDown vs. Team Raw Divas Survivor Series Elimination Match
Whoever goes to the bathroom and skips this match? You're all winners.

Winner: In case you care, Beth Phoenix (RAW diva) wins. Most likely you don't... (3-0)

Jeff Hardy vs. WWE Champion Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov (Triple Threat Match)
Take a fucking guess who wins... just fucking guess.

Winner: If you say you guessed Edge before he was announced, you're a fucking liar... but the reign of Trips is finally over. Thank god. (3-1)

World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
Cena wins... or does he? Yeah he does...

Winner: Yep, Cena wins. Borefinger at its finest (4-1)

That's it.


Posted by dtm666 at 7:49 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 24 November 2008 6:28 AM EST
Monday, 27 October 2008
1031 - Cyber-Sunday results
Topic: PPV Predictions

I had PPV predictions to post, but shit happens and you know... anyway, here're the results of the show if you haven't seen it yet:

Mickie James wins the time-wasting Halloween Costume party, dressed as a boob-deflated Lara Croft. Yay.

Miz and John Morrison defeat Cryme Tyme... in a match voted by the fans. I guess nobody wanted to see Mickie shoot anybody or have tag titles defended... oh well.

Chosen contender Honky Tonk Man defeats IC champ Santino Marella via DQ when Beth Phoenix tripped Honky... wow. Just wow. Lame. Next.

Proving ECW fans actually do have brain cells, new kid Evan Bourne was chosen as Matt Hardy's challenger to the ECW Title. Of course, Hardy prevails.

US Champ Shelton Benjamin defeated R-Truth in a preview match, the only match chosen by online votes as opposed to text messages.

Rey Mysterio defeated Kane in a No-Holds-Barred match. Sadly, neither Rip or Zeus showed up to Rip 'Em. (Someone please tell me you got that.)

Dave Batista ends his month-long choking streak by defeated Chris Jericho to win the World title. Special ref was STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Undertaker defeated Big Show in a I-don't-give-a-shit match... er, I mean, Last Man Standing match... which means the same thing.

WWE Champ Triple H beats [insert opponent here] to retain title. Copy And Paste.

FIN


Posted by dtm666 at 6:32 AM EDT
Monday, 8 September 2008
1005 - Unforgiven Results
Topic: PPV Predictions

FOr those who care, here are the results of the Unforgiven PPV from last night. No witty comments because I missed the PPV.

Matt Hardy wins the ECW Scramble to become ECW Champion.

Ted Dibiase/Cody Rhodes defeat Cryme Tyme to retain the Tag Titles.

Chris Jericho defeats Shawn Michaels when Shawn wouldn't stop beating on Jericho.

Michelle McCool beats... random ho to retain the Butterfly Belt.

Triple H wins... again.

CM Punk... doesn't even wrestle in the main event. Wow, that's harsh. It's bad enough he lost the title, but they don't even let him compete on top of that. Bullshit.

So your new world champ is... replacement Chris Jericho.

Wow.

Must check out PPV.


Posted by dtm666 at 6:27 AM EDT
Saturday, 6 September 2008
1003 - Unforgiven Predictions
Topic: PPV Predictions

For sixty minutes, fifteen men will compete in three matches. We'll see if anyone cares for that amount of time. In any case... the Unforgiven PPV introduces WWE audiences to the Scramble match. The rules are... too headache-inducing for me to repeat, so I'll just copy and paste them from WWE.com:

The rules for the Championship Scramble are simple: Two randomly selected ring warriors will start the match, with a new challenger stepping in every five minutes. If a man scores a pinfall or submission on any other in the match, he is declared the "interim" champion – though he will not be historically recognized as such. The title can change hands as many times as necessary throughout the bout, and the Superstar to earn the final pinfall or submission within the 20-minute time limit will be officially declared the Champion.

So did you get all that? Good, because I sure as hell didn't. But that's okay, because WWE is willing to push this type of match as something new and innovative instead of just time-filler to give a shitload of guys something to do for the PPV so hard that they're giving you not ONE Scramble match... but NOT TWO Scramble matches... but THREE Scramble matches! All in one night! Unbelievable!

It's like puking on a pile of shit in a puddle of piss.

So anyway, let's just forget about the predictions because I honestly don't give ten shits about HHH's title match that he's obviously going to win or the end of the CM Punk title reign or the continuation of Mark Henry's charity title reign as well as the continued burial of Matt Hardy. I don't particularly care for Dibiase/Rhodes retaining their titles against Cryme Tyme nor do I care about the Divas championship. You know what? Who gives a shit about all that?

Because in the end, it's about one match.

Now yes, I'll be the first to admit that I get a little pissy when two guys have been having matches on a monthly basis and it gets to a point where they should really move on... but truth be told, I'm digging this Chris Jericho/Shawn Michaels feud. It's actually the only reason I tune in to RAW these days. It's actually a genuinely good story filled with bitterness and what is sold as legitimate hatred between the two (but we all know these guys love each other). There hasn't been a more compelling storyline in WWE in fucking years than what these guys are doing together.

So yeah, let these guys kill each other. They do such a great job at it and it makes us happy. Good enough that it could very well work outside of a wrestling environment (not recommended). Congrats to Chris and Shawn for a good show... keep up the good work.

So yeah, I was supposed to do predictions... maybe next time. I think I'll sit back and enjoy the kick-ass feud... and cook some scrambled eggs.

G'night.


Posted by dtm666 at 6:13 PM EDT
Sunday, 20 July 2008
961 - The Great American Baaash (Now with quickie results)
Topic: PPV Predictions

Dirt cheap picks and real quick too because the show just started, so let's get this over with.

US CHAMPIONSHIP: Matt Hardy (c) vs. Shelton Benjamin
My pick goes to Shelton, because Shelton needs some gold to be the Gold Standard... or something.

Winner: Shelton wins. (1-0)

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Finlay & Hornswoggle, Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder and Jesse & Festus
The champs retain.

Winners: Hawkins & Ryder win. (1-1)

WWE DIVAS CHAMPIONSHIP: Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool
Who cares?

Winner: Michelle McCool... um, who cares? (2-1)

NEW YORK CITY PARKING LOT BRAWL: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena
Cena wins. Cena always wins.

Winner: But not this time, Cena. (2-2)

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
I expect Shawn to win this one... a cheap win.

Winner: Jericho wins due to blood stoppage. (2-3)

ECW CHAMPIONSHIP: Mark Henry (c) vs. Tommy Dreamer
Anyone actually think Dreamer's winning this one? Didn't think so.

Winner: Seriously, was there any doubt Mizark would win this one? Didn't think so... and Stick Boy turning on Dreamer was lame-o. (3-3)

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: CM Punk (c) vs. Batista
Win, Punk. Win.

Winner: It was a no-contest, but Punk retains, so it's a win in my book. (4-3)

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP: HHH (c) vs. Edge
He of the three Hs.

Winner: Just guess. (5-3)

That's it. Later.


Posted by dtm666 at 7:48 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 21 July 2008 11:05 AM EDT
Sunday, 29 June 2008
923 - The NIGHT OF FUCKING CHAMPIONS... Round 2
Topic: PPV Predictions

Yeah, I did my picks already. But apparently, there have been some changes to the cards... and I'm a bit more relaxed than before, so... we'll see what happens here. So this is basically a repost of what's already posted (Recycling Can Be Fun!), but with some updated thoughts and match picks, so disregard the previous entry (which stays up for the fun of it) and here're my current picks.

NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS! EVERY TITLE ON THE LINE! EVERY CHAMPION IN ACTION!

Where's the part where I'm supposed to give a shit?

So yeah, for the second year in a row, WWE has decided to do this Night of Champions deal, doing away with the Vengeance PPV for good. I suppose it's a nice concept, but they had this even better concept called Clash of Champions from the NWA/WCW days that was a free show and had name value... whatever.

So here are the matches, my picks, and any time I'm supposed to give a shit about any of these encounters, just let me know.

WWE Women's Championship Bout
Mickie James (c) vs. Katie Lea Burchill

Again, anyone feel free to let me know when I'm supposed to care... but just for kicks, let's say Mickie retains the title. (Same deal).

WWE Tag Team Championship
John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Finlay & Hornswoggle

Sigh... once again... oh fuck it. Morrison/Miz retains because the last time we had Hornswoggle win a title, they had to retire it out of embarrassment. Fair enough. (same deal.)

World Tag Team Championship Bout
Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase and ???

WWE.com labelled this as simply a World Tag Team Championship Bout, with no participants mentioned. That shows the amount of care people have invested in this feud. And who the fuck is that guy claiming to be Ted Dibiase? How dare attempt to claim the name of the Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase... Oh wait, that's his SON? And he's using the same fucking name? So how do we address the Million Dollar Man? Ted Dibiase Classic? Apparently the use of the word JUNIOR has its price too. Man, fuck this shit... NEXT. (Same deal.

ECW Championship Bout (obviously not in EXTREME rules)
Kane (c) vs. Big Show... vs. Mark Henry
Gee, it's nice to see you again, Paul. Instead of giving you a well-deserved push or even something remotely interesting to justify your return from purgatory, we're going to stick you with the same fucking people you've faced years ago! To top it off, we'll throw in Mizark Henry for a lark and to bore some more people. And even better, we'll let Mizark Henry win the match! Good to see you again, Paul!

Well, look at it this way. Last week, I was bitching about how we would have to pay for Kane/Big Show Round 482,871 and I guess tossing in Mark Henry is one way of breaking up the monotony... not that it's a great idea or anything, but whatever.

So the deal with the Mark Henry pick is this: Mark Henry is the only ECW guy in the match, as Kane (the current champ) was drafted to RAW and Big Show is technically a Smackdown guy. Having the ECW champ on RAW is just plain retarded, so in that sense, Mark Henry getting the win is the logical path to go. Now I've never been a big fan of the guy, but hopefully a big win such as this will give him incentive to amp up his game.

World Heavyweight Championship Bout
Edge (c) vs Batista
World Wrestling Entertainment Championship Bout
Triple H (c) vs. John Cena

So with Batista drafted to RAW, this will be the final match between these two. Thank fucking Pete too, because I've had enough of the same two guys wrestling each other for TWO FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT. Logically, Edge retains the title which means... yes, Cena gets his bling-bling piece of shit belt back from Trips. You don't even need to see that coming. It's going to happen. Each show needs its own world champ, so this move makes the most sense. I wish it were the other way around, but whatever.

That't it... for real. Lemme alone.


Posted by dtm666 at 11:50 AM EDT
Sunday, 22 June 2008
912 - THE NIGHT OF FUCKING CHAMPIONS... bring back vengeance
Topic: PPV Predictions

NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS! EVERY TITLE ON THE LINE! EVERY CHAMPION IN ACTION!

Where's the part where I'm supposed to give a shit?

So yeah, for the second year in a row, WWE has decided to do this Night of Champions deal, doing away with the Vengeance PPV for good. I suppose it's a nice concept, but they had this even better concept called Clash of Champions from the NWA/WCW days that was a free show and had name value... whatever.

So here are the matches, my picks, and any time I'm supposed to give a shit about any of these encounters, just let me know.

WWE Women's Championship Bout
Mickie James (c) vs. Katie Lea Burchill

Again, anyone feel free to let me know when I'm supposed to care... but just for kicks, let's say Mickie retains the title.

WWE Tag Team Championship
John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Finlay & Hornswoggle

Sigh... once again... oh fuck it. Morrison/Miz retains because the last time we had Hornswoggle win a title, they had to retire it out of embarrassment. Fair enough.

World Tag Team Championship Bout
Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Ted Dibiase and ???

WWE.com labelled this as simply a World Tag Team Championship Bout, with no participants mentioned. That shows the amount of care people have invested in this feud. And who the fuck is that guy claiming to be Ted Dibiase? How dare attempt to claim the name of the Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiase... Oh wait, that's his SON? And he's using the same fucking name? So how do we address the Million Dollar Man? Ted Dibiase Classic? Apparently the use of the word JUNIOR has its price too. Man, fuck this shit... NEXT.

ECW Championship Bout (obviously not in EXTREME rules)
Kane (c) vs. Big Show

Oh, for Pete's sake, we're having this fucking match again? Gee, it's nice to see you again, Paul. Instead of giving you a well-deserved push or even something remotely interesting to justify your return from purgatory, we're going to stick you with the same fucking people you've faced years ago! And even better, we'll let Kane get a win because God knows you need another ECW title reign in your resume?

I mean, seriously. Is there any justifiable reason why we're having this match again under the same shitty confines of WWE rules? At least make it EXTREME rules to make it somewhat more interesting! This is ridiculous! Why don't we have another Edge vs. Batista match for the World title or something equally stupid while we're at it...

World Heavyweight Championship Bout
Edge (c) vs Batistaaaaaaaw shit.

You know what? That's it. I've had it. Let me just end it right here. I don't think I have the patience to finish making my picks for this show, let alone have the fucking patience to sit through the damn PPV of matches I don't particularly for or that I've grown tired of watching fifteen times over spanning fifteen fucking PPVs each. Enough is enough, dammit. I think I'm going to skip out on this PPV and look forward to tomorrow's 3-hour WWE Draft show, which I'll able to watch in its entirety due to the fact that I have Tuesday off. Good night!

...

...

...

...

The usual gang of idiots win their matches. Figure it out. Later.


Posted by dtm666 at 8:19 AM EDT
Sunday, 1 June 2008
897 - WWE ONE NIGHT STAND 2008 - We go EXTREME! Right...
Topic: PPV Predictions
Two things I haven't done in a while: PPV Predictions and detailed PPV predictions... well, as detailed as you can get from me, anyway. So this is the second edition of WWE One Night Stand, which initially began as an ECW reunion show (the original ECW, not the crap that's on TV now) and quickly shifted into WCW Uncensored with a fancier name. Longtime fans may know what I'm talking about with that kind of reference, but for those who weren't around during the glory era of the Monday Night Wars, let's just say the concept of an all-gimmick PPV isn't a WWE original idea in any way, shape, or form - though I doubt it was WCW's original idea either, but I digress. So with fancy intro out of the way, let's begin the shuffling.

Updated to include winners.

Melina vs. Beth Phoenix ("I Quit" Match)
I don't remember if there was a Diva-gimmick match at last year's ONS show (if there was, it was probably something stupid such as "Evening Gown Pillow Fight in A Swimming Pool Full Of Dog Shit" match), but thank god they're giving these girls a chance to really perform in EXTREME circumstances. From what I've seen, Beth Phoenix is a pretty competent wrestler (not that great, but good enough that she actually can wrestle) and Melina is actually getting there. Believe me, this is the closest you'll get to a compliment from me regarding WWE's talentless bimbos who will jump at the chance to participate in ridiculously stupid pillow fights and lingerie matches. This one will be completely random, so Beth.

Pick: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Beth Phoenix (1-0)

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista (Stretcher Match)
Batista-HBK is a match that hasn't been done much lately when compared to the five hundred matches between HHH-Orton and Edge-Undertaker combined, so this idea isn't completely stale as of late. I like the fact how this feud stems from Batista being upset that HBK retired buddy Ric Flair and not some nonsensical heel turn meaning nothing but another big dumb idiot for Shawn to fight. Speaking of which, it's a Stretcher match because when you're thinking EXTREME, you think Stretcher matches. I'm going to pick Shawn to win for two reasons; one because it was rumored that Dave might be taking time off and it wouldn't make sense for him to get the win when he's leaving for a short bit. And two: the old document this is based off of had Shawn as a pick for a previous match and I don't feel like changing one name. So there you go.

Pick: Shawn
Winner: Batista (1-1)

Big Show vs. John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk (Singapore Cane Match)
Yeah, a Singapore Cane match. Because I suppose EXTREME rules isn't EXTREME enough for these guys. The only pure ECW match on the card - and it's not really saying much because almost ZERO effort has been put into pushing this feud. This seems almost like a completely random match slapped together for the sake of getting an ECW match on the card. For the sake of fun and laziness, I'm picking CM Punk to win it because, as stated before, the old document this is based off of had CM Punk as a pick for a previous match and I don't feel like changing one name. So there you go. On a sidenote, I think it's funny that they feature Kane on the main poster for the PPV and yet he is in NONE of the matches of the PPV. Go figure.

Pick: CM Punk
Winner: Big Show (1-2)

Jeff Harvey... Hardy vs.  Umanga (Falls Count Anywhere)
Seriously? Falls Count Anywhere? Really. I guess a no-holds-barred street fight with high spots isn't EXTREME enough for the likes of Jeff Harvey and Umanga. Although they all mean the same thing anyway, right?

Pick: Umaga
Winner: Jeff Harvey (1-3)

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield (First Blood "Battle of the Johns" match)
Cena wins. Because Cena winning is EXTREME!

Pick: Cena
Winner: Cena (2-3)

Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match for the vacant WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge vs. Undertaker
If anyone thinks Undertaker is going to losing this match, then you must be a WWE fan. Give Taker the Big Gold Belt v2 back and let him fight someone else for once. I'm sick and tired of seeing the same fucking match for the fifth straight PPV in a row... or at least I would be sick and tired if I even bothered to pick up any of the shows. I guess I'm just not EXTREME enough to fork over fifty bucks for lackluster PPVs every few weeks.

Pick: Undertaker
Winner: Edge... OK, I didn't see that coming. (2-4)

Last Man Standing for the World Wrestling Entertainment Championship
Triple H (champion) vs. Randy Orton
"Oh no, it's Randy Orton and he's challenged Triple H to a Last Man Standing match. Triple H's reign as champion could be in jeopardy! Wait, why are you laughing? This is EXTREME-ly serious. No, really. Randy's really going to be a threat to the Game's reign as champion. Stop laughing. It's not funny. It's not like Orton's the only guy HHH defends the title against... oh wait, he is." Here's another match I'd like to never see again for the foreseeable future. Enough!

Pick: He of the Three Hs.
Winner: Take a wild fucking guess. (3-4)

That's it for this PPV. Overall, not a bad show by any means. Just an average one that isn't worth bothering with.


Posted by dtm666 at 8:27 AM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 1 June 2008 11:08 PM EDT
Sunday, 27 April 2008
853 - Backlash Picks and Licks
Topic: PPV Predictions

Haven't done one in a good while, so let's go with it.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Undertaker (c) vs. Edge
One thing I absolutely love (sarcasm) about Backlash is the Wrestlemania rematches that mean absolutely nothing. Undertaker retains.
Winner: Undertaker (1-0)

WWE Championship Fatal Four Way Elimination Match: John Cena vs. JBL vs. Randy Orton vs. Triple H
If only all triple-three or four-way matches were elimination matches, then we'd get a decent match instead of a half-baked match. Of course, there are other ways of getting screwy finishes. Hence, Orton will retain via the other three idiots eliminating each other through a simultaneous pinfall or similar scenario.
Winner: Triple H (1-1)

Big Show vs. The Great Khali
I'll give it to the Big Show.
Winner: Big Show (2-1)

ECW Championship Match: Kane (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero
Kane will retain, of course. Maybe this match won't last three seconds this time around.
Winner: Kane (3-1)

Batista vs. Shawn Michaels
Let's give this one to HBK.
Winner: Shawn Michaels (4-1)

United States Title Match: MVP (c) vs. Matt Hardy
MVP Retains.
Winner: Matt Hardy (4-2)

12-Diva Tag Team Match: WWE Women's champion Mickie James, Maria, Ashley Massaro, Michelle McCool, Cherry, and Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix, Melina, Jillian, Layla El, Victoria, and Natalya Neidhart
Who cares?
Winner: WHO CARES? (5-2)


Posted by dtm666 at 5:57 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, 28 April 2008 6:21 AM EDT
Sunday, 17 February 2008
748 - No Way Out (Quick And Dirty) Predictions
Topic: PPV Predictions

No dressing, no extended commentary on any of the matches. I'll keep it as short and sweet as possible... here're my picks for tonight's PPV.

Ric Flair beats Mr. Kennedy.

Chavo Guerrero defeats CM Punk to retain the ECW title.

Undertaker wins the SMACKDOWN Chamber match.

HHH wins the RAW Chamber match.

Edge defeats Rey Mysterio to retain the World title.

This is the first time I'm going to flat out call for it, but the John Cena vs. Randy Orton match ends in a no-contest or screwjob finish. Orton retains.

That's it. Later. 


Posted by dtm666 at 7:44 PM EST
Sunday, 28 October 2007
665 - Cyber-Sunday Predictions
Topic: PPV Predictions

So tonight's Cyber-Sunday, WWE's "interactive" PPV that will no doubt get canned next year. For those of you who have no idea how a concept this convoluted came to play, let's dwell in a bit of history, shall we?

 

WWE Cyber Sunday 2007

Three years ago, WWE had attempted a rather unique Pay-Per-View experiment... no, not the Tuesday PPV - THAT experiment had been done many years ago featuring a paltry rematch between Undertaker and Hulk Hogan. I'm talking about the interactive aspect of a show where fans have some control over what goes on in the match, either by choosing stipulations or choosing challengers to championships. Last year's show seemed to be enough of a success that they're trying it again this year. Now, to reiterate what I had said in the Taboo Tuesday 2004 ramblings, this wasn't the greatest PPV I had seen, but it was something different and unique that broke the monotony of PPVs, all which seemed to booked in the same way.

Others might feel differently, but I thought that the Taboo Tuesday concept was a novel idea and shows that WWE are willing to take chances and try something different when they feel like it. Earlier this year, WWE suspended one of their regular PPVs and replaced it with an ECW one, a show that I can say was pretty entertaining. Not because the wrestling was any good, mind you, but mostly because it was a different offering from what we are commonly used to seeing from McWrestling.

So they tried again with Taboo Tuesday 2005 and the magic wasn't quite there. I personally haven't seen the show so I can't comment on it like I could the first one. Vince, being the genius that he is, decreed that the magic was there, but nobody would want to buy a Tuesday PPV. Of course, that couldn't be the case in actuality, but Vince is a genius and he's always right. That's why he's a certified billionaire.

The following year, WWE gave up on Taboo Tuesday and changed it to Cyber Sunday. Unlike the previous two entries, some of these choices weren't ridiculous (the Women's Title match had STIPULATION choices and not choice of what kind of porn costume they'll be wearing during the match) so there'll be some semblance of control over the matches.

So here we are with the fourth iteration and man is the card underwhelming. It's nice that they tried to make it more interactive by having you choose opponents for two title matches, but then again, that's been done already.

So here are my predictions for who fans would select and who would win the matches involved. I'd list my picks, but this year I haven't really bothered with the voting process since it's become so fucking convoluted, it's mind-boggling... actually, I'll list who I would have voted for anyway. This will be pretty barebones on my part - so WWE is spared my lovely bitching for this one time... I'm saving that for the upcoming Survivor Series.

REY MISTERIO VS. FIT FINLAY
My Pick: Rod On A Pole
Predicted Pick: Rod On A Stick
Predicted Winner: Finlay

MATT HARDY VS. MVP
My Stipulation: Wrestling Match
Predicted Pick: MMA Match
Predicted Winner: Matt Hardy

ECW TITLE BOUT
CM PUNK (c) vs. ???
My Pick: The Miz
Predicted Pick: John Morrison
Predicted Winner: CM Punk

UMAGA VS. TRIPLE H
My Stipulation: Street Fight
Predicted Pick: Steel Cage
Predicted Winner: HHH

World Heavyweight Championship Match
BATISTA (champion) VS. UNDERTAKER
My pick for Special Referee: JBL
Predicted Pick: Stone Cold
Predicted Winner: Batista

World Wrestling Entertainment Championship Match
RANDY ORTON VS. ???
My Pick for No. 1 Contender: Jeff Hardy
Predicted Pick: Shawn Michaels
Predicted Winner: Randy Orton

 


Posted by dtm666 at 4:05 PM EDT
Sunday, 7 October 2007
662 - No Mercy Predictions
Topic: PPV Predictions

WWE No Mercy 2007
So there's a lot of unanswered questions surrounding this show: what is the purpose behind the mysterious Save_us.222 and Savior_Self promos that have been airing for the past couple of weeks? Who will be involved in the makeshift WWE championship match? Will there be a WWE championship match? Will CM Punk overcome the odds and trumph Big Daddy V, only to drop the belt back to the man he beat for it? Will I give a shit about any of this? All of this and more on the No Mercy PPV. Let's get started.

Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix for the WWE Women's Championship
Anyone who has followed my commentaries and match predictions know how I feel about the Divas division and how I treat their matches accordingly; when it features two women wrestlers proper, I tend to care somewhat. When it features two Divas in a match, I could hardly give two shits. This seems to be a mix of the two. While Candice is a Diva and unworthy of the title, at least she's trying to be a competent wrestler and for that I'll give her some degree of credit. As for Beth Phoenix, other than that whole Glamazon deal (what the fuck is a Glamazon?) she looks like a competent wrestler... meh, I'll just pass and say Beth... simply because she's blonde.

HHH vs. Umaga
On one side, you have the Samoan Bulldozer. On the other side, you have the McSon-In-Law and ten-time World champion. I think it's a given as to who wins.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay
Let's give the win to Finlay via JBL-terference.

CM Punk (c) vs. King Daddy Viscera for the ECW Championship
Pete Rose: Nothing for you, punk! It's true. It's TRUE!... C'mon, Punker.

Batista (c) vs. The Great Khali in a Punjabi Prison match for the World Heavyweight Championship
So a rematch between Krappi and Basketball Dave is set to be in a Punjabi Prison match, which is apparently the Great Khali's specialty. So apparently, the Great Khali has had a number of Punjabi Prison matches and won them all. Sounds fine and dandy... except there's only been one Prison match... and Khali wasn't even in it... uh, yeah. Specialty my ass. Big Dave for the win.

WWE Championship Match
A little over a week ago, John Cena suffered a tear that forced him out of action for anywhere from six months to a year. With that, he was forced to surrender his coveted WWE title belt (it spins - fuck that). While I personally am happy to see the Cena reign come to a merciful (pun intended) end, I am somewhat slighted by the fact that it took an injury to end what happens to be a year-long reign as champion and not a loss to an individual who could have benefited from such a win... even if that person was Randy Orton. So now we're stuck with a main event that is simply billed as a WWE Championship match... yes, because that alone is enough to sell tickets. Who's involved in this match? What're the stipulations for this match? Will there even be a match? Whose genius idea was it to push for a title match without mentioning who's in it? Who knows... and ultimately who cares? I have more written on the subject in the Bite commentary, to be posted later today.

Oh yeah... six matches and a McMystery Meal main event... SMELL THE BUYRATES!


Posted by dtm666 at 7:52 AM EDT
Sunday, 26 August 2007
628 - Summerslam 2007 predictions
Topic: PPV Predictions

Haven't done one of these predictions in quite some time, so excuse me for dusting off the cobwebs. Anyway, you should know the drill by now: I list all the advertised matches and give my thoughts on who wins and what the actual match might entail. My only gripe seems to be that a lot of the matches here have been seen before in some form, but nonetheless, it looks fairly decent and it'll be interesting to see how they handle the two returns.

The "Didn't We Have This Match Last Year" Match
Chavo Guerrero vs. The RETURN of Rey Mysterio
This one's easy. Barring all the external issues and taste management of last year's shitfest, Rey should take the win because he's making the big comeback while Chavo should just fade into obscurity until the shadow of losing his title to a midget is faded. That'll take about five to ten years tops. Of course, if their previous matches were any indication, this should be good.
WINNER: Rey wins. I felt this wasn't as good as their previous encounters, but hey, it's his first match back, so we'll let it pass. 1-0

The "Didn't We Have This Match at Wrestlemania 19" Match
King Booker vs. The RETURN of Triple H
It's really sad to see two guys who were legends in their prime wrestle a match when they're past their point of usefulness. Let's face it: Booker T, as great a wrestler as he is, can't deliver the goods as well as he did (although he can still go) while Trips isn't all that reliable as we await the next big quad tear in another six years time. Again, gotta give the duke to he of the three Hs simply because he's making the big comeback.
WINNER: HHH wins. 2-0

The "Didn't We Have This Match on Smackdown A Few Weeks Ago" Match
Kane vs. Finlay
It's really sad to see two guys who were legends in their prime wrestle a match when they're past their point of usefulness... wait a minute, I just said that already! In this case, we don't have to worry because Finlay can still go and Kane can give a good match or two if he can be bothered to do so. So let's give the duke to Kane.
WINNER: Kane wins the match despite interference from Finlay's little bastard midget. A fairly solid brawl and a good opener. 3-0

The "We Don't Know What To Do With These Guys So Let's Throw Them Together In A Match" Match for the IC title
Umanga (champion) vs. Carlito vs. Ken Kennedy
Since I'm not really in the mood for witty banter or the like, let's just be brave and say Umaga retains. But really, at this point, it could go either way. But let's go with Umaga because Carlito's not so cool anymore (not to mention he doesn't need more IC gold) and Kennedy... well, he's just gotten stale. Man, what is it with these Smackdown guys when they move to RAW? When they're on Smackdown, they're this awesome thing that you expect to do big things. And then they move to RAW and they start to suck and be uninteresting. It's a strange feeling.
WINNER: Umanga retains. Bleh match. 4-0

The "Shit Break - No Comment" Match
Divas Battle Royal - Winner Gets A Women's Title Shot
Well, like I said... no comment.
WINNER: Anyone who avoided this match, I suppose. But in case you care, Beth Phoenix is the new contender. 4-0

The "Didn't We Have This Match on ECW Every Other Week" Match for the ECW World Title Match
John Morrison (champion) vs. CM Punk
John Morrison has done well for himself now that he ditched the crappy music and annoying skank Melina. While ECW has been less than stellar, the focus on young guys has made for a better show. The matches that these guys had are actually very good, which is surprising considering one of the talents used to name himself after WCW's flagship show. As far as a winner, I gotta believe Punk's night is tonight. He can't leave this feud with a third straight PPV loss and let's face it: Morrison doesn't really need the belt.
WINNER: Morrison retains the title. Oops. 4-1

The "Didn't We Have This Match Last Month... Actually, No We Didn't" Match for the (Smackdown) WWE World Heavyweight Title
Batista vs. Great Khali (champion)
Last year, Batista challenged for the world title and got a DQ win. This year... I'd say Batista wins... although it'll be more likely to be a DQ win than a title win, but a win of some form nonetheless.
WINNER: Batista wins via DQ. Knew they'd take the easy way out. 5-1

The "Never Had This Match" Match for the (RAW) WWE Spinner Belt Title
Randy Orton vs. John Cena (champion)
Orton wins and ends John Useless' reign of terror.
WINNER: Cena wins... fucking hell. 5-2

Overall, a nice little show. Can't say I care for the end result, but still a nice show. 

Later. 


Posted by dtm666 at 8:43 AM EDT
Updated: Friday, 27 January 2012 12:47 PM EST
Sunday, 24 June 2007
545 - WWE Vengeance 2007 - A Night of Chumps.
Topic: PPV Predictions

Let me get some negative energy out of the way: WWE is billing Vengeance as a Night of Champions. You know what? I don't care. I just don't care. After witnessing three tri-branded PPVs that ranged from "less than stellar" to shitacular levels only James Rolfe's Angry Video Game Nerd would dwell into, why should I care about this one? So all the titles being defended on this one show. Who cares? It's not that special anymore.

With that bit of negativity out of the way, however, I have to admit that this looks to be a pretty decent card... well, somewhat. With all the titles being on the line, it's a chance for all the champions to showcase their abilities and an opportunity for the challengers to really step up their game. My biggest concern is how much of the fake death of Vince is going to dominate this show. Hopefully, it won't be that much because people don't feel like paying for footage that has been shown repeatedly on free TV. But I digress. Let's look at the card.

WWE Tag-Team Titles
Deuce & Domino (champions) vs. ???

Don't know who the mystery challengers are and I personally don't care. The champs will retain their titles in this one. It's common sense.

My Pick: Deuce and Domino retain.

WWE World Tag-Team Championship
Cade & Murdoch (champions) vs. The Hardyz

The Rednecks retain the titles and Matt Hardy can stay his ass back on Smackdown where it belongs. The nostalgia run's been fun, but it's over now and nobody cares. Let's move on, please.

My Pick: The Rednecks

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Chavo Guerrero (champion) vs. Jimmy Wang Bang Yang

Chavo. Next.

My Pick: Chavo.

WWE Women's Championship
Melina (champion) vs. Candice Michelle

Do I really have to justify this bullshit? Yes, Candice is getting better as a wrestler... but not good enough to be champion. Then again, that probably applies to roughly 90% of the Diva pack, including the current champion.

My Pick: Melina... though I can hope for a vacancy and dishonorable retirement of the title

WWE United States Heavyweight Championship
Montel Vontavious Porter (champion) vs. Ric Flair

Ric Flair deserves another run with the World Title before he supposedly retires, but at least he'll give Porter a good match... I hope.

My Pick: Montel Vontavious Porter

WWE Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship
Santino Marella (champion) vs. Umaga

It's been fun, Santino. But it's time for Umaga to take back what's his...

My Pick: Umaga

Vacant ECW World Heavyweight Championship
Chris Benoit vs. CM Punk

Who would have thought that an ECW World Title match has the chance of being the match of the card? I actually like this potential match up, because both these guys are tremendous wrestlers and can put on a good show. Now that the curse of bland Bobby Lashley has been lifted from ECW, we have a chance for an actual WRESTLER to hold the belt. Doesn't really matter who wins, because either one of these guys could take it and be a great champion of a brand that has been shat upon by the internet writers and WWE itself. As for my pick? Well, as much as I want to see Punk be champion, I firmly believe Benoit will take the win and the title. And you know what? That would be a good role for him, as he can have quality matches with some of the potential up-and-comers AND he can bring credibility to the ECW title, something that belt needs after the shit affairs of McMahon and Lashley.

My Pick: Chris Benoit

Five-Pack Challenge for the World Wrestling Entertainment Championship
John Cena (c) vs. King Booker vs. Randy Orton vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Mick Foley

When they pile up this many guys in one match, there is an almost absolute certainty that the champion is going to retain. This Cena reign is almost tiring. It's time to end it, but not here.

My Pick: John Worthless

Do Or Die Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge (c) vs. Batista

Talk about tiring; how many title shots is Deacon Dave going to get anyway? He's had title matches since Wrestlemania and he has LOST THEM ALL. Every single one of them. Never mind that a couple of those matches ended in a draw; HE STILL DIDN'T WIN ANY OF THEM. There use to be a time when a champion beat a contender a couple times, he'd move on to the next guy. That's out the window it seems; as it seems the creative team is trying to force-feed us extended feuds between two wrestlers, similar to what they had in the eighties. That type of booking simply doesn't work because of the difference in circumstances between the two eras... and it certainly doesn't float as an excuse since Batista had to fight two different champions and STILL LOSES. This is pure, tiring garbage being fed to those who want Edge to feud with other wrestlers who are more worthy of the main event slot. No. 1 Contender Batista is similar to World Champion Rey Mysterio (a situation I'm sure everyone short of Rey and his fanbase would like to forget) in that they lose all their matches and made all the more worthless because of it. My prediction is that Edge wins the match so that Batista could finally step aside and let someone else get the fucking main event spot.

My Pick: Edge retains the title.

THat's it for now.


Posted by dtm666 at 8:00 PM EDT
Sunday, 20 May 2007
520 - WWE Judgment Day 2007: Let The Crap Hit The Floor
Topic: PPV Predictions

Never has a WWE B-Show PPV felt more depressing and more worthless than this year's edition of Judgment Day. I know I tend to crap on their previous efforts in recent years, but at least they have some semblance of redeeming value. This show... it just touches me the wrong way... okay, that didn't come out right. Let's just get to the predictions and ranting before I lose my mind.

Note: Quickly updated to include results 

Carlito versus Ric Flair
Carlito finally snaps and gets to fight the Nature Boy. Whoo-hoo, this is exactly what the world needed: another match between Carlito and Ric Flair. Difference between now and then was at least back then it was for a title. Don't remember which title it was (chances are neither does Creative), but at least it meant more than the tipid reasoning of earning respect. You would think that two guys would just feud simply because they hate each other; that would have sold just fine. But no, we have to have some stupid motivation that has been played out for years. Please give me a little more bang for my buck.

Pick: Carlito
Winner: Ric Flair (0-1)

Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton
Speaking of rehashes, here's another match we've already seen done to death already without adding anything new to the mix other than the fact that Orton is now the Hotel-Room Killer and Whining Bitch Boy. Hey, I've got an idea: let's book these guys in a Suicide match, where the first man to get the gun hanging from a pole has to shoot himself and put us out of our misery. You can smell the ratings as one tired WWE Superstar gets put out of our misery. But I digress. Let's give Shawn the duke, because everyone knows Orton's days as a credible star are numbered if they aren't already.

Pick: Shawn
Winner: Randy. (0-2)

Elijah Burke vs. CM Punk
The only pure ECW feud on the card - and it's not really saying much because almost ZERO effort has been put into pushing this feud. Most of the ECW show's airtime is dedicated to the endless shit feud that is McMahon/Lashley (and I've got lots to say on that later). In any event, it should be an interesting match that will hopefully produce something good. Although I haven't seen much of ECW lately (and what I have seen isn't enough to impress), I've heard good things about Burke and Punk, so there might be some hope. Punk wins it.

Pick: CM Punk
Winner: CM Punk (1-2)

Two-Out-Of-Three-Falls for the United States Championship
Chris Benoit (champion) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter

I swear to God... every time I type out Porter's name, I usually double check to see if I got it right the first time. Somehow I always do... and if a guy like me can do it on a regular, then WHY CAN'T THE FUCKWADS AT WWE.COM DO THE SAME THING? Anyway, it's yet another encounter between Porter and Benoit and maybe the third time'll be the charm. I don't know about you, but there's always this feeling that Porter might take it, but they keep holding back. This is his night; they can't make him lose to Benoit forever.

Pick: Montel Vontavious Porter
Winner: Montel Vontavious Porter (2-2)

WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Edge (champion) vs. Batista
I don't believe it'd be a smart thing to drop the belt to Batista just barely a week after Edge won it, but I guess that's why I'm not part of WWE Creative... nor would I want to be. So let's give the duke to Edge.

Pick: Edge
Winner: Edge (3-2)

Three-On-One Handicap match for the ECW Championship
Bobby Lashley vs. Vince McMahon (champion), Shane McMahon, and Umaga
Bobby takes the win and the Replica belt back. That's all I'm going to say here because the next match has me saying a heck of a lot more on Tuesday's Bite.

Pick: Bobby Lashley
Winner: Bobby Lashley pins Shane, but doesn't win the ECW World title. (4-2)

World Wrestling Entertainment Championship
John Worthless (champion *sigh*) vs. The Great Khali
"Oh no, it's the Great Khali. John Cena's reign as champion could be in jeopardy!" If anyone actually believes that John Cena would actually LOSE this match, then you are certifiably an idiot. Let's face it: Cena is Vince's Golden Boy and is going to win matches in the most unbelievable matches you'll ever see. And by unbelievable, I do indeed mean NOT BELIEVABLE. Cena's built, but the guy's a fucking stringpea with a moveset that's almost embarrassingly pathetic. Heck, even I have a better moveset than he does and I don't do a good heck of a lot.

Pick: John Cena
Winner: "
Few thought he could do it, but somehow, John Cena overcame the odds at Judgment Day. In a scenario reminiscent of the biblical battle of David vs. Goliath, Cena made The Great Khali tap out for the first time ever; as a result, The Champ is still Queer." Apparently, WWE.com is run by idiots. (5-2)

That's it for this PPV. Later.


Posted by dtm666 at 4:29 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 20 May 2007 11:38 PM EDT
Sunday, 29 April 2007
501 - Backlash predictions (semi-updated with results)
Topic: PPV Predictions

Backlash 2007 Predictions

This would be the third Backlash in a row that I'm doing predictions for. Doesn't really mean much, but let's get that bit out of the way. This year, Backlash features superstars from RAW, Smackdown, and that other show. In a strange occurance, all matches are title matches. Not sure that means anything, but whatever.

WWE Women's Championship
Melina vs. Mickie James
So after the crapfest featuring Ashley the Tranny at Wrestlemania 23, we return to some semblance of real women's wrestling. Unfortunately, it's not enough for me to care, especially considering the lack of talent among the dead weight that is the WWE Divas.

Pick: Mickie James
Winner: Melina. Ho-hum. Who cares? Next. (0-1)

United States Championship
Chris Benoit vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
Since Benoit took the duke last month, it's only fair that the Mighty Montel Porter Ranger should get the win this month. Some people are claiming that Porter is improving and while I doubt there is any significant improvement, I can at least say that Porter isn't boring the piss out of me, unlike some other punks. So there's some points there.

Pick: Montel Vontavious Porter
Winner: Benoit wins again. Surprise surprise. Didn't see that one coming. Watch Porter's win happen on free TV. (0-2)

World Tag Team Championship
Matt & Jeff Hardy vs. Cade & Murdoch
This'll be interesting. I need a good bathroom break anyway.

Pick: The Hardys
Winners: The Hardys. (1-2)

Last Man Standing Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
The Undertaker vs. Dave Batista
Last Man Standing? Why the fuck did they book Last Man Standing? Is a straight-out street fight or Hell In A Cell too difficult or too creative for them to book? Last Man Standing matches sometimes work, while oftentimes they're boring as hell. Cena and Umaga somehow managed a decent LMS match, but more often than not, LMS matches suck the life and energy out of a crowd whenever they stop an endless brawl to count to ten.

Pick: Undertaker
Winner: Nobody. Match ends in a double countout. You've got to be fucking kidding me. A double-countout?! What the hell? (1-3)

3-On-1 Handicap Match for the ECW World Title
Bobby Lashley vs. Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga
Do you really think that Lashley is going to lose this one?

Pick: Lashley
Winner: Vince McMahon... yes, Vince McMahon is YOUR ECW champion. Then again, why would it surprise me? It had to happen sooner or later. (1-4)

Fatal 4-Way Match for the WWE Championship
John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton
Quick cut-and-paste job. Do you really think that John Useless is going to lose this one?

Pick: Useless Cena
Winner: Useless Cena retains. The guy's so useless HBK had to help him win... by accident. Yeah, right. (2-4)

That's it. What a shitty show.


Posted by dtm666 at 7:33 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 29 April 2007 10:51 PM EDT

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